Why I Think My Dog is a Mutant

His ears bend backwards and are pointy like a bat's--aerodynamics?

When he goes pee he doesn’t raise his leg, he just kneels down. Surrounded by too many women?

...and my wife sings to him so he can go pee: “Potty Time, Potty Time.”

He doesn’t respond to his name; either he is deaf or doesn’t like his name (what's wrong with the name Dorito?!).

When he is sad he makes strange noises, like a cat.

He barks at big dogs like he is going to eat them alive but then at the dog park he hides behind my wife’s legs, trembling.

He is the only dog I know that lets himself be carried belly-up like a baby in breast-feeding position (see exhibit A in photos)

He has an active social life of regular play-dates with another dog. They play some strange games.

He is schizophrenic. Every night at 11:00 pm his sugar level skyrockets and he starts running from side to side of the house, dragging his bed with him.